How quickly moods can change...

[lazchan]

The one thing that I hate more in the world about myself is the uncanny ability to know exactly what will piss someone off or hurt them the most. If I'm lucky, both at the same time! sarcasm I hurt a very good friend tonight, and I was a dog, my ears would be droooping and I'd be slinking away, tail between legs. Nothing hurts me worse than hurting a friend.

I'm just...frustrated, I guess. Too many things not happening to me, and happening around me. My younger friends are safely enrolled in college, some are parents, they have jobs--they're happy. They're doing good--succeding in life. Why I...am falling. I always seem to be doing this, crash landing on the ground with fire trailing from the sky above me. Something I do causes this--the explosion of what was once good. If I'm not careful, I'll screw this friendship like I have with some others. I think I'm too selfish...too wrapped up in myself. If I just gave a little, and thought... just once, then maybe things would go better for me.

I have a job... finally. Bagging groceries. I've done this job before, and I was even considering doing it again when I was in Utah. It's not a bad job, but it seems like I've fallen again. I bagged groceries when there was nothing else--no college, no experience. Now I'll be working ten hours a day with people that don't really like me (I worked with them before) and the other half that doesnt know me and sees me as someone new to take their tips. Half of the time I will probably be leaning aganist the wall, waiting for a customer. There goes a waste of time. I get out of the house, I make some money... but...

I think my friend is disapointed with me as well. I don't know how to explain it to her--we see it in two different ways. Maybe I am just a brat that won't amount to anything. Look at my family.

Comments

[steffie-chan.livejournal.com]

A job, is a job. You're making money, and gaining 'experience.' Just keep looking for a different job even though you have one. Everyone amounts to something, screw what your family says or thinks, or what the others do. This is the first job that was available, so you took it. Whoopy! Now, keep looking for a better one, at the very least, you've got income right now.

[yashira.livejournal.com]

Doesn't matter what people think, if you're comfortable with it, that's what counts... besides it's best to start somewhere and then work up.