(no subject)

[lazchan]

I'm kind of surprised I haven't posted this on my journal yet. >.>

I'm finally moving away from Utah; after so long, I'm going back to the east coast. I originally moved to Utah somewhere in 2001, been back and forth a few times since then. Once I went back home, another time I went to Japan. I've graduated college, though-- and it's time to hit the road.



Originally, I came to this decision because I was hurt and I wanted to run away from those that hurt me. Utah started to hold some really unpleasant memories for me. I was suddenly shut off from those I cared about and people went behind my back.

The worst of it was that I did something to hurt a friend of mine and to this day, I still don't know what it was, but we're friends again. I know that I aggravated her and was pushy and clingy, but I didn't know what I did to actually hurt her and it bothers me still that I would unknowingly do that to someone that I cared about. I don't like hurting friends.



Now, though-- I've decided it's actually a really good decision. I'll be moving back near family (well, not all of it's good) back near friends and places I grew up near. Utah's been very nice, don't get me wrong- but I'm an east coast girl at heart and I miss a ton of little, weird stuff.

Fireflies and the ocean and history and forests... *laughs* There's bunches of little stuff and I know a lot of it has changed, but Virginia was my home state and probably a place I'll gravitate back to time and again.

I'll be moving in less than three months and that's just scary as hell. I'm packing up stuff, will eventually ship it out once I organize stuff and figure out how I'm going to organize it-- books are all off the shelf and I'll tackle my closet next. Going to buy clothing squish stuff to make my suitcase hold more. As always, the stuff that takes up the most space are my books.

One thing I'll miss are the friendships I've developed here. I've made some great friends and had great times. My friends range from being older than me to younger than me-- and that's just fine. *laughs* Some are married with kids now and others are the Lost Boys. I'm totally a Lost Boy still and it's more fun that way, I think. But in terms of friendship-- it's a tricky thing. I know distance won't mess things that much... and it might make some things easier. My headspace is a weird thing and trying to explain it sometimes comes off sour. In short, I will miss the people here, but it will go on and that's what the internet is for. :P

I'll be moving in with one old friend and one new friend-- it should be interesting! A is a great person and we knew each other since right after I graduated high school. We'll watch Who and Merlin and play games and dress up and be silly.

I'm scared to death to be moving- there's a lot of uncertainty ahead and I know it'll all come through somehow, I don't like my pathway undefined. I like to make sure that it's set and I have a place to set my feet on and go forward; a goal in mind. Utah's become sort of a comfort space, but like many comfort zones, it wraps you it cotton and doesn't let you see what's outside of the pretty box. You have to step forward, crush the box and see where you can go next. Boxes are nice and comforting, but terribly confining. I know this'll be a good choice, it's just so hard right now.

I have friends here and there and life will make a way to work itself out.

Comments

[dqbunny.livejournal.com]

I saw your message on Facebook and going, "Huh? Where is she moving to?" Where in Virginia will you be moving to? I forget where you were originally from.

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

I'll be moving up near DC, but I grew up all over the place. :P When I lived in VA, though-- it was on the military base, Quantico.

[questofdreams.livejournal.com]

Sounds like an adventure! I wish you the best of luck :D

[lazzchan.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Thanks!