(no subject)

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.


Uh.... okay, so--turn offs. *tilts head up to the sky and thinks* (tomorrow's will be even harder, cause I don't think they even exist.)

( day seven )

No one ever said this had to be physical... :P

(no subject)

Well, 2010 is almost over and it's been one hell of a year.

There have been some kickin' awesome moments-- winning third place in a cosplay contest that we'd hardly practiced for -- meeting up with old friends, meeting new friends... growing more confident.

There have been some really bad moments, too-- it's probably one of the worst years I've had in ages and that's saying a lot. ^^; I've been up and down and I've questioned myself a great deal to the point it hurts.

Suffice to say, I put myself in a corner so badly that it radiated outward and damaged a lot of people; people hurt me and it was just one huge mess starting from the end of May onward. It apparently had gone on longer than that, but... *shrugs* No one had a super-amazing year. It's strange how hurt works. You get hurt and you want to lash out or you retreat so badly in your hurt, you don't realize what you're doing to other people. Or worse-- you realize what you're doing and continue doing so.

I've worked on myself a lot and grown more confident, assured-- knowing more of what I can do and how others view me. Learning that it doesn't mean a raindrop in flood. I'm me-- yes, it's good to be aware of how my actions can hurt others, but I can't let them control me, either. If I want to be who I am, I can be and no one can tell me any different.

This upcoming year, I'm going to be even stronger. I'm looking forward, looking up and outward; thinking more positively and learning to trust more, especially when it comes to friendships. Trust that it takes time, trust that they'll be there without me asking; being patient and waiting.

I've done some stuff that I'm not proud of, followed people's opinions without thinking of my own, thinking of that nagging voice inside my head and causing pain to a good friend. Being jealous over stupid crap; getting so wrapped up in one thing that I don't see the logic in the other. I'm going to move past that. No one should dictate who you are and how you should think or act.

I want to be a better friend to people and I want to learn to know when to step back. Things aren't ever going to be the same as they were before, but perhaps wishing for them to be is a mistake. Those people that were friends before-- they've changed. I've changed-- and forging a new friendship with those changes is better.

I won't be so scared.

This is a new year with new changes and chances and I'll make the best of it. I'm hoping to move back east at some point next year, but the problems that made me want to run before aren't as obvious now-- still... I miss the east coast. Not necessarily my family itself, but my friends, opportunities and a chance to find out who I am without worrying about what I'm missing.

This coming year will be amazing.