(no subject)

I feel that my life is quickly sliding into a point where it's having no meaning beyond writing with my friends and writing my own stories. I have no job, only one year of college, and everything is going to pieces. Everytime I try, I get knocked back. When I try harder, it hurts worse. It seems that no matter what effort I put into my work, it doesn't have any meaning at all.

Not what I write, not what I do... not even my trying. Life at home is quickly sliding into the 'hell' mode--my father is away at training this week, he might (hopefully) get a new job, but until then, I'm straining my parents resources. I'm a burden on their household, and if I hear one more damn person telling me to move on and get over it, I'm going to slap them. I try, damn it. It's not like I'm not trying. You guys have jobs and college. You have lives, you are going somewhere in your lives. So don't tell me to get OVER it, you have no idea the stress that I am under, seeing that I am getting blamed for my family's resources. I could move out--but it would be on the street with no money, no food and no place to even go to. Not exactly the prime option. Jobs? There are no jobs in this area. Not one that I'm qualified for. I need more college experience. College? !!!! They're so damn incompetant down here it's a wonder that they even managed to graduate me correctly!!

Even so when I try hard at something.. there is someone better than me. Replacing me in a spot that I was once in. That I could be in, that I could have succeded in if it wasn't for ...what? I'm TRYING!!!! And it doesn't help one damn bit.

Forgive the swearing for all those that are sensitive, but it's my journal and I needed to rant.