lazchan: (Default)
[personal profile] lazchan
So didn't get much sleep last night, but 1. I couldn't sleep and 2. had a long msn conversation with a friend.

It spawned from my comment of 'you intimidate me' and took a spin I didn't even see coming. >.> It was a good thing, just a bit overwhelming and unexpected. I don't mind honesty when people talk to me. I like them to be blunt--being left in the dark while people talk to each other about what bothers them about me doesn't help matters. Yes, honesty hurts, but really? It's needed and more helpful than people realize. If I don't know the problem to fix it, then it will just get worse, people will get annoyed and the whole thing cycles through to another mess.


Basically, I need to not pretend to know things I shouldn't. I didn't realize it was getting to be such a problem. Friend pointed out that it just makes me look more ignorant and I have to agree. Part of that problem was that I was trying to very hard to be part of the 'group' again, but really? It was just being annoying.

Also-- making excuses to justify my actions. This is what a lot of people do-- and it's hardly endearing. If I just admit something, it's better, if i stay quiet--

And it was pointed out to me, not so subtly, that I apparently have three topics of conversation. My cat, my story and my impending move. >.> I should get a life. It's fine to be interested in those things and have it be part of your life, but not to have it shoved in other people's faces whenever you open your mouth.

part of the conversation that sticks with me:

lazchan: but I need to start being the person I am online and try to get over why it's so freaking difficult to be that with live people, in person
**: because you can't hide
**: text is super easy to hide behind
**: the right word in the right spot
**: it's easy to sway people with text
**: words, that's harder
**: cause then it's not just the words
**: it's your voice, your pacing, your appearance
lazchan: true
**: and if you're not confident with yourself, then nobody's going to listen
**: proven
lazchan: yeah
lazchan: so basically, I need to stop trying to hard, shut up when I don't know anything and get a life?
**: not shut up
**: just don't claim to know something you don't
**: and if you're not sure, you can preface that
**: But don't be afraid to be corrected, either

It was a very good pep talk and it makes me realize I have come further than before, but I still have a while to go. It's life, though-- people are constantly going to have insecurities and struggle to prove to others who they are.

But I do appreciate the conversation more than anything, because someone pointed out something that annoyed them, that was a problem-- and something I could do to correct. I'll be a bit quieter now, for when I do hang out with the group, but I'll also learn more--so when I do speak up, it's not for nothing.


lazchan: (Default)

March 2014

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