lazchan: (allanact)
Took the Disassociative Affect Diagnostic Test was taken from [livejournal.com profile] llamrei because I was curious. Here are my results...



Verbally and mentally fluid, you are refreshing and illuminating to those around you. This is occasionally somewhat discounted by the obvious pleasure that you take in exercising your mental acuity. Although generally peaceful you can often take a verbally aggressive tact in relations with the world, which can often be misunderstood by those around you. Innovative in the extreme, you can often think yourself right out of the correct answer to a given problem. Many times you are referred to as your own worst enemy. You tire very quickly of routine and so make poor clerks or administrative help. You also have no respect for authority and little patience for those you regard as inferior, most especially those in charge. Experimentation is your watchword and can occasionally lead to experience for its own sake and shallow decadence. Your thought can sometimes be scattered and disconnected.
lazchan: (allanact)
Ugh, I hate when my depression kicks in again and I overthink situations and people and what's going to happen next in life. I've been so much better lately and I've thought "a happy" to keep me going and it mostly works. It's just right now is one of those down moments and it's driving me nuts because well, while there might be a reason, it's not logical.

>.> I'm excited and nervous that I'll be moving in two months. I can't wait for it to happen--but at the same time, I'm nervous at stepping into something so uncertain. I know it'll work out, it's just... *shrugs* I'm putting myself closer to where the problems originated and I think that's what's eating at me.

Bah.
lazchan: (thinking)
There are a few authors out there with a wonderful sense of style, humor and grasp on what makes a book truly an amazing book. They are wordsmiths--truth-tellers and can reach into our minds and deposit a world that is so vivid, so real, you know that it truly exists, somewhere.

Diana Wynne Jones was such an author. I've loved her books for a long time; the Chrestomanci series is still one that I can re-read over and over again. It's a shame that there will never be anymore stories written by her, but I will always remember her stories and how happy they make me feel.

Rest in peace, DWJ. We shall miss your amazing talents.
lazchan: (Default)
So I'm going to help out with [livejournal.com profile] help_japan and I can do it with words-- which is wonderful. I can't draw worth beans. :P But I have my auction set up--

Help Japan so please take a look, spread the word... I'll write just about anything and I do want to do my part to help.
lazchan: (smile)
I'm kind of surprised I haven't posted this on my journal yet. >.>

I'm finally moving away from Utah; after so long, I'm going back to the east coast. I originally moved to Utah somewhere in 2001, been back and forth a few times since then. Once I went back home, another time I went to Japan. I've graduated college, though-- and it's time to hit the road.

blah blah blah )

Now, though-- I've decided it's actually a really good decision. I'll be moving back near family (well, not all of it's good) back near friends and places I grew up near. Utah's been very nice, don't get me wrong- but I'm an east coast girl at heart and I miss a ton of little, weird stuff.

Fireflies and the ocean and history and forests... *laughs* There's bunches of little stuff and I know a lot of it has changed, but Virginia was my home state and probably a place I'll gravitate back to time and again.

I'll be moving in less than three months and that's just scary as hell. I'm packing up stuff, will eventually ship it out once I organize stuff and figure out how I'm going to organize it-- books are all off the shelf and I'll tackle my closet next. Going to buy clothing squish stuff to make my suitcase hold more. As always, the stuff that takes up the most space are my books.

One thing I'll miss are the friendships I've developed here. I've made some great friends and had great times. My friends range from being older than me to younger than me-- and that's just fine. *laughs* Some are married with kids now and others are the Lost Boys. I'm totally a Lost Boy still and it's more fun that way, I think. But in terms of friendship-- it's a tricky thing. I know distance won't mess things that much... and it might make some things easier. My headspace is a weird thing and trying to explain it sometimes comes off sour. In short, I will miss the people here, but it will go on and that's what the internet is for. :P

I'll be moving in with one old friend and one new friend-- it should be interesting! A is a great person and we knew each other since right after I graduated high school. We'll watch Who and Merlin and play games and dress up and be silly.

I'm scared to death to be moving- there's a lot of uncertainty ahead and I know it'll all come through somehow, I don't like my pathway undefined. I like to make sure that it's set and I have a place to set my feet on and go forward; a goal in mind. Utah's become sort of a comfort space, but like many comfort zones, it wraps you it cotton and doesn't let you see what's outside of the pretty box. You have to step forward, crush the box and see where you can go next. Boxes are nice and comforting, but terribly confining. I know this'll be a good choice, it's just so hard right now.

I have friends here and there and life will make a way to work itself out.
lazchan: (Default)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I've bee on livejournal since January, 2002. Eep! It's witnessed several moves between Utah and North Carolina, graduating college and going to Japan... It's had the ups and downs of all sorts of friendships and several anime cons.

It's been a great place to meet people, write stories and be me. :)
lazchan: (blah blah blah)
On dA, there's this thing called "Shout it Out" -- a way of combining words and images together for feelings. Or something like that. :P My friend had done it ages ago, I was bored and needed to kick out the stuff that I bottle up and then just some stuff that' just me.

here be a pic )
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Well, let's end the old year with one confession, shall we?

Day Ten )

So there we have it. ^__^
lazchan: (allanact)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day nine )
lazchan: (moonflowers)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day eight )

Somehow, I think I did that wrong... :D
lazchan: (childhood love)
Well, 2010 is almost over and it's been one hell of a year.

There have been some kickin' awesome moments-- winning third place in a cosplay contest that we'd hardly practiced for -- meeting up with old friends, meeting new friends... growing more confident.

There have been some really bad moments, too-- it's probably one of the worst years I've had in ages and that's saying a lot. ^^; I've been up and down and I've questioned myself a great deal to the point it hurts.

Suffice to say, I put myself in a corner so badly that it radiated outward and damaged a lot of people; people hurt me and it was just one huge mess starting from the end of May onward. It apparently had gone on longer than that, but... *shrugs* No one had a super-amazing year. It's strange how hurt works. You get hurt and you want to lash out or you retreat so badly in your hurt, you don't realize what you're doing to other people. Or worse-- you realize what you're doing and continue doing so.

I've worked on myself a lot and grown more confident, assured-- knowing more of what I can do and how others view me. Learning that it doesn't mean a raindrop in flood. I'm me-- yes, it's good to be aware of how my actions can hurt others, but I can't let them control me, either. If I want to be who I am, I can be and no one can tell me any different.

This upcoming year, I'm going to be even stronger. I'm looking forward, looking up and outward; thinking more positively and learning to trust more, especially when it comes to friendships. Trust that it takes time, trust that they'll be there without me asking; being patient and waiting.

I've done some stuff that I'm not proud of, followed people's opinions without thinking of my own, thinking of that nagging voice inside my head and causing pain to a good friend. Being jealous over stupid crap; getting so wrapped up in one thing that I don't see the logic in the other. I'm going to move past that. No one should dictate who you are and how you should think or act.

I want to be a better friend to people and I want to learn to know when to step back. Things aren't ever going to be the same as they were before, but perhaps wishing for them to be is a mistake. Those people that were friends before-- they've changed. I've changed-- and forging a new friendship with those changes is better.

I won't be so scared.

This is a new year with new changes and chances and I'll make the best of it. I'm hoping to move back east at some point next year, but the problems that made me want to run before aren't as obvious now-- still... I miss the east coast. Not necessarily my family itself, but my friends, opportunities and a chance to find out who I am without worrying about what I'm missing.

This coming year will be amazing.
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.


Uh.... okay, so--turn offs. *tilts head up to the sky and thinks* (tomorrow's will be even harder, cause I don't think they even exist.)

day seven )

No one ever said this had to be physical... :P
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day six )

This one was harder than the rest-- cause there are more than five people that mean a lot to me. ^^;
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Days Four and Five will be together, since Day 4 I was away from my computer.

day four )


day five )
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day three )
lazchan: (Default)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day two )
lazchan: (me)
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

day one )

taken from [livejournal.com profile] dqbunny

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lazchan: (Default)
lazchan

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