lazchan: (joshthink)
Well, I'm screwed once again and I'm trying hard not to cry (again) over my job situation. There was a month trial period, apparently and I got called today, not by my work, but by the agent that helped me get the job, to tell me that I no longer had a job, that Friday was my last day. Just an explanation of "I wasn't working out" and that was it. No warning, no indication that it was going to happen, no hint on Friday when I was there and there was management all around and nothing in the conversations I had with my supervisors that day. It pisses me off at the same time it makes me depressed. I really liked this job, I liked the opportunities it gave me and I just want to hug my cat for awhile.

This doesn't mean that I'm not going to go job hunting. While I'll have enough to tide me over for rent for the next couple of months, I still want and need a job. It's just so incredibly frustrating. D:

Wish me luck!
lazchan: (joshthink)
So it's a new year and all that jazz. A time of new beginnings, changes-- a whole slate fresh for the writing on. Reflecting on the past...

blah blah past stuff )
lazchan: (Default)
So LJ is screwing up again, with a serious design flaw with their commenting section. It looks ugly and does not have the same functionality as it did previously. I may end up switching over here for good, if enough of the places I follow jump, too.
lazchan: (hakase)
Strange Things
by: Lazuli
Fandom: Gokaiger

After seeing Basco's true form, Gai wondered about the rest of the crew. Spoilers for episode 31.

did they have strange forms, too... )
lazchan: (hakase)
Color Coded
by: Lazuli
Rating: Gen
Characters: Joe, mentions of Gai, Doc and Marvelous

Notes: Why did they tend to wear the colors of the sentai suit they wore?

they always wore the same color... )
lazchan: (hakase)
Short little ficlet, written for baka ja ne, who simply wanted 'fic'.

Title: "I was First"
Fandom: Gokaiger
Gen
Characters, Joe, Don, mentions of Marvelous (bit of Joe/Don)

he saw it first... )
lazchan: (hakase)
Title: Following a Team
Fandom: Gokaiger
Characters: Don, Marvelous, Luka, Joe
Notes: Set pre-series, a speculation fic on how Marvelous recruited Don.

everyone was gone... )
lazchan: (Default)
Title: Partners
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Characters: Philip, Shotarou
Notes: Another fic set right after Begins Night
Written for Shadi. :P

he didn't want to be here... )
lazchan: (Default)
Rising Costs
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Notes: A bit of silly, really. What does the average citizen think of all the buildings getting destroyed on a regular basis?

she had just planted tulips... )
lazchan: (Default)
Title: Family Dynamics
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Characters: Philip, Shotarou, Akiko, Terui

Notes: I've been playing with the idea for a bit now, but as in most of my fics, I have the idea that Shotarou is a bit younger than the fandom sees him as; using the actor as a basis for age isn't my thing (cause if that was true, Namba-sempai from the new Hana Kimi shouldn't be in high school XD) so I go with how the character acts, certain signals and well, Shotarou was dressed in school uniform in Begins Night and the first ep of W for the flashback scene.

he knew Akiko would lord this over him... )
lazchan: (Default)
Title: Left to Me
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Rating: G

Notes: Written for Shadi. :) She did a piece of art for me, so this is my way of thanking her. Need to write more of this type of stuff…

he didn't know why he was on the floor… )
lazchan: (ankh)
For sonicninja on Tumblr

Fandom: Decade/OOOs
Characters: Tsukasa, Ankh, Eiji
Rating: G as can be

Notes: I don't know Decade terribly well, but the request was a crossover, so I rolled with it.

Decade loved making trouble... )
lazchan: (hakase)
Title: Price of a Doctor
Fandom: Gokaiger
Characters: Doc, Basco

Notes: I really like this kidnapping thing. LOL, It's Basco. Brings it out in me. Again, this was for Baka Ja Ne on Tumblr.

price of a doctor )
lazchan: (hakase)
Wrote these on my tumblr baka ja ne. She wanted Basco anything, really. :P So here we go. Lots of Toku lately.

written for bakajane )
lazchan: (Default)
Title: Keeping a Promise
Fandom: Kamen Rider W
Characters: Shotarou, mention of Philip, Queen, Elizabeth
Rating: G

fic two )
lazchan: (Default)
Title:New Steps
by:[profile] lazzchan
Rating:Gen
Characters: Philip, Shotarou

here there be fic one... )
lazchan: (Default)
Title: The Start of Something
Rating: G
Characters: Narumi Sokichi, Hidari Shotaro
Universe: Kamen Rider W

Notes: No spoilers, just a drabble-ish thing that I may or may not expand more on later. I like the early what-if days because we really have no material. I did notice in the Movie Wars/Core movie with OOOs at how different the office looked years ago.

when Narumi Sokichi approached Hidari Shotaro... )
lazchan: (Default)
So going to park here, methinks-- livejournal is being tetchy again and I rather like it here. :)
lazchan: (blah blah blah)
Who is that girl I see, staring straight, back at me?
Why is my reflection someone I don't know?
Somehow I cannot hide, who I am, though I've tried
When will my reflection show who I am inside?



Self-image is a funny thing; how you perceive yourself and what others perceive of you. It's almost hard when you try very hard to alter your image to fit that of those around you, even if they don't care. It's that whole concept of "fitting in" that never goes away. For a while now, I've been trying to get back into the groove of things, of people and events and what's going on. A conversation with a friend made me realize a few things.

Namely: It's okay to not pretend to be interested in something that I'm really not all that into. It's okay to be quiet and sit back and listen to the others talk, without trying to chime in, just so that I feel like I belong in the group, that I have a reason to belong. I was very afraid that if I wasn't into all the same things that everyone else was, if I didn't have a common element, I'd be... not disowned or kicked out, but just not as interesting to be with. Not an asset or anything like that. *shrugs*

But it's hard, time consuming and very frustrating to be someone you're not, just for the sake of acceptance from others. Even if they don't care that you aren't just like they are (and think you're stupid for speaking up like you do know and like it) there's still that feeling of "but I like this stuff, not that stuff" and you wonder.

I like research-- I like history and old buildings and sites. I like to cook and sing and I want to learn pottery and how to play the harp. I'm not an outgoing individual and it has nothing to do with self-confidence. I know what I like to do and I know that I'm good at what I focus on. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be the techie rather than the lead star. If everyone is the star, who helps support them?

Basically, what I'm saying was that for awhile, I lost sight of "me" to what I wanted others to like me for. I was playing a false game because what I liked to do is considered boring or adult-like or just something that needs to be improved on. I like reading and writing and being alone. I like having fun with groups of people and getting lost in the crowd of them. Conventions are great; it's a way to bond with others and share a love of being an anime/video game/book/whatever flavor of nerd you choose. It's okay to be me; it's not okay to pretend to be someone I'm not. Pretending to know stuff and speaking up about it just makes you look ignorant.

I'm finding my niche in life.
lazchan: (Default)
So didn't get much sleep last night, but 1. I couldn't sleep and 2. had a long msn conversation with a friend.

life as I found out... )

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